Today my Dad came down to visit and Tim got off work early for a big visit with my Doctor Dr. Hawkins. He is the specialist for Rhabdomyosarcoma for almost the entire U.S and i am so thankful and lucky to have him as my Dr. We discussed stopping treatment the pros and the cons and surprisingly he seemed reassured that if stopped treatment today my cancer would prob never return and that i would be fine, but he also aired on the side of caution that he can't guarantee that but he would support my decision either way because i have had such awful side effects. On the other hand finishing treatment is always recommended but with how sick i have been it just might not be worth it. The rest of the day my Dad and i talked about it, and how precious life is and the value of it all. What is it all worth if i die tomorrow from a side effect of chemo when the cancer has been gone for months, at the same time what if it returns, but what if i finish treatment and it returns anyway? Its hard when you have had such close calls..in the ICU to not think of death and how far i am willing to push my body and mind.I don't know yet what decision i am going to make but i hope whatever i do is in the best interest for my health and for MY life. Its always good to know that whatever decision i make i have the support from my family, friends Tim and Dr.s.
All my love
Mary
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I love you Mary and I pray for you! I pray that you will be able to make this HUGE decision and feel peace at last. I miss you tons. Sorry you have to be in the hospital. My cousin was in the hospital a few months ago for a week or so, and I kept mistakingly refering to it as the 'hotel' instead of hospital when I was visiting him. I don't want it to be a hotel for anybody. LOTS OF LOVE!
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