word vomit

Yesterday went well, today and every day for 5 weeks probably will be the same. Radiation is a rather fast process, i just go in every day at 1:40 they give me a pager kinda like the ones you get at restaurants that light up and vibrate when it goes off i walk to the radiation room lay on a table they put the awful mask on but it only takes 10-15 min so not so bad. My Aunt Maureen got to meet every one at UW and see my mask the room and all of the fun orientation stuff. Wednesdays will be fun days i have chemo at children's in the morning and then i go to UW for radiation and its also what they call my "Dr day" at UW so i will meet with my team of Dr's and they will assess how i am doing. I have a feeling that every Wednesday is going to be the same thing, well i feel like crap i just went from chemo to radiation and i probably won't be feeling that great. My neuropathy is getting really bad, due to one of the chemo drugs called vincristine. Mostly in my legs but is now in my hands, I have a lot of trouble walking, drop foot, loss of sensation weird tingling and now i have problems with simple things like typing or opening water bottles or anything for that matter..buttoning something forget it! Not exactly ideal but it will come back someday when chemo is done. My nurse practitioner at Children's said they let you get "really floppy" before they will stop the vincristine...whatever that means. I guess i will be walking on my knees before they will stop. I find myself laughing at all of this, it is rather humorous at times only because i seem to have a very sensitive system so far. I have a side effect that 3% of patients that get chemo have...3% and nothing according to my nurse is within normal range with me. I am nervous to see how this week goes with radiation and chemo and the weeks that follow.
The wedding is becoming more and more of a stress, not exactly how i imagined all of this going expecailly since treatment doesn't stop until June. I preferably wanted my own hair at my wedding, and eyebrows and eyelashes and my normal walk would be nice. I just have no idea, i guess if i am not in the hospital it will be a good day. I have nightmares that i show up and i look like a clown..and poor Tim he doesn't care at this point i just want to get it over with, or go to Fiji and it just be the two of us that would be nice. Its not like i don't want to have the wedding but i just don't care what my bridesmaids wear anymore or what flowers i have or where people sit or what invitations i pick out, its just not a priority. I am just tyring to keep my lunch down and get to tomorrow.